GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

2006-08-25T23:23:00.000-04:00

I'm currently working on a short story that I'll post on here when it's finished. For now, just a little bit of venting so I can stop thinking about it so much.

This past month has been weird. A lot of changes, much thinking and replaying in my mind and even some self doubt. I know for a fact that there is no going back on this situation and I just need to get it out of my system. If you want to read and comment, feel free to do so.

I was dating my girlfriend for about two years and like most relationships we've had our share of ups and downs. We were coming out of a down period and were starting to deal very well with each other again. We were arguing less, laughing more and really just enjoying each other's company. Out of the blue, an unexpected situation arose. For the record, it's wasn't like anyone was cheating or doing anything wrong, it was just a bad situation on my side. Anyways, I had to deal with it and was left "holding the bag." I needed to regroup, so I moved back in with my parents and had a lot of self reflection to work on. I needed to decide what was important in my life and what wasn't as important and to start focusing my energy on the things that were more important to me. My girlfriend, although important to me, wasn't one of the most important things in my life. And rather than string her along, like everything was okay, I decided that I wasn't nearly at the level that she was on and needed to let her go and find someone who was. She was thinking about settling down and starting a family and a lifetime together. And I was thinking about just getting my bachelor's degree and resolving the situation that presented itself in a very untimely manner.

Now, here I am on this blog, wondering in front of the whole online community, if I had made a serious mistake. Was a being selfish in my decision? Was I running away from conflict that I've done so often in the past? My thinking, is that I made the right decision. If I'm messed up and have so much baggage, is it fair to subject someone whom you have serious feelings for to all of this baggage. It's not their fault I'm not the most responsible person on earth. And what if I kept this charade up, and down the line, after the marriage or the kids, everything was finally exposed and blew up in our faces.

Or is it that I'm afraid to let these nuances about me surface and have her change her opinion of me? Do I want to let her know that I have a hard time making ends meet? Not because I don't have the money, but because I have a problem. I know now that I have a problem and I'm making strides to fix this problem, but it's not an overnight fix. And in the end, it's right for things to be like they are now. It sucks that I may miss out on the greatest relationship that has come my way, but I brought it on myself and I need to prepare to deal with it.

New Beginnings

2006-08-23T22:03:00.000-04:00

I don't really know what the main focus of this will be. I'm an aspiring writer, so I may have some excerpts from my writing. I'm recently single and in college, so I'm sure I will be ranting and raving at some point. Whatever it is, I hope you will come along and enjoy the ride.

About my writing, that I could conceivably post here...I welcome all constructive comments. None of this "it sucked" or "i don't get it." If it sucked, let me know why you thought it sucked. If you didn't get it, let me know what you didn't get. Just please some constructive opinions.

During this time of blogging, I hope to run into some other interesting people and aspiring writers, so please feel free to leave comments.

Thanks for checking this out.

Just Another Blogger

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

New Beginnings